I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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