And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
