Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
How does one acquire holy water?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
