Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
