i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
