She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
