i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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