How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
