I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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