I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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