On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
