You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
