new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hippo gnu deer
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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