I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
