The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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