So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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