Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
she smelled like a LAN party
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
