Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
