I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
