How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
