when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
