I accidentally burped into my bong.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
