I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
