It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
