I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Randomize
