watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
