He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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