in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
