You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
