That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You don't make any sense
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