So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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