btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sext me about skeletons
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
