Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
