FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
