He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
