There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
