i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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