I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
