So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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