omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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