he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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