sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
