i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
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