it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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