Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
