If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
