I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
