If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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