hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
