I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
