I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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