just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
