Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
