ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
